I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
