I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize