I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
