Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
