did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
