Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
