it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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