my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I understand Curling. That high.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
