no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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