I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she told me i tasted like america
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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