I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
