You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
