Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
