Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
