hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
