no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
