we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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