I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
