Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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