Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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