She said her name was "party"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
