im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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