He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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