my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
