Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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