I just pynch a tree in the face
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
