and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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