is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
