Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
