HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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