evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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