franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
