last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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