ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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