Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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