Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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