dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
