it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
