somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
