Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
