so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
