:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
