I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you would pick up someone in the library
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
