You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
