So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
