Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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