ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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