Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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