Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
