just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
