We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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