The brown eye won't let me do that either.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
