time to smoke my breakfast
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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