Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize