His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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