currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
