I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
