Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize