I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
