Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
