do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
