Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
