hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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