Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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