I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
