Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
