smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
