just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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