Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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