oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
