Don't you send me to vm
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
